Do you ever feel like you fit a different life yet you have absolute none of the skills which require you to be competent in that life? No.. of course not. That question didn’t even make sense. Let me paint my picture and perhaps that will clarify my vague opening prose.
Sometimes I feel like I could live in New York and have a creative career. I wish I could be an illustrator or an artist or a writer or an actor.. Yet I have zero talent in any of these avenues. Perhaps it is the art Deco, modern, house furnishing I associate with these types of careers that spark my interest. But there are tangible times where I honestly feel that I could have a very different career or life direction. I find I dip in and out of hobbies and my personal strivings vary daily. One day I am searching for a meaningful career within which I help those less lucky than myself, then in a flash I am feeling selfish and philosophical about this one life and wish to strive to do everything that I want to. Me. Me. ME!
This sporadic sprouting in countless meandering avenues has me in a constant daze. One which I cannot find clarity and doubt I ever will. I feel I will always ask ‘What if?’. Or wonder what would have happened had I studied that or done this. I think this is natural. Maybe the real skill is to be satisfied with the path that you have stumbled down. Be happy with the rabbit hole you are in. Just wish mine was a little more eventful, a few more mad hatter characters.
I have already written about my fickleness which I am content with, yet still baffled by. I love enjoying a variety of interests but do wonder where my true passion lives. I find that sometimes this vast array of topics that I wonder through hinders my ability to become truly great at something. I have very few tangible skills and that bothers me. My inability to pin down one passion leads to a stuttering through life. A discussion on this and a random fact on that but no great knowledge on anything. I am too scared to focus all my attention on one ‘passion’ and throw myself into it if that turns out not to be ‘me’. If I tire of it and want out after spending so much effort. What if I am no good at what I choose to chase?
Does this makes sense? Does this sound familiar? This seems a little to long winded to plug into ‘Yahoo Answers’ and hope for a response. I shall continue to stumble for now and I hope I fall into something, something….. exciting.